“The Fight”-Round Two

I wonder how many people still check this site waiting for an update or to skim through past entries. I admit that I’ve visited on a number of occasions, taking a trip down memory lane (I especially like the parts where Kermit talks about how much he loves me!) or investigating comments. 

Revisiting the past has been made a little easier by a beautiful and thoughtful gift the Breeds and I received last week. Dagmar Yaddow, the mother of Kermit’s college friend Aaron, worked every day since the beginning of February copying, pasting, formatting, printing, and binding the Blog. Waiting for me on the kitchen table last Friday afternoon was my own personal copy, complete with a wonderful quilted cover and lovely note. Big Carlena and Big Kermit have their own copy as well. Everyone who walks in the door — and that’s a lot of people! — sit down for a bit to flip through the pages.

We are all so grateful for this gift, as it allows us to “hear” from Kermit, in a way. It’s not always easy to read — I can only go for 5 minute stretches before I start crying — but I know that it is something we will cherish forever. We are so appreciative that Dagmar created this gift for us, and we are also so appreciative that Kermit wrote his story down for everyone to read. His words will be there forever.

There are more updates scheduled for this week: the Hospice memorial service, Kermit’s number being retired, his scholarship, RJ’s DVD … but you’ll just have to wait for that!

Hope you are well,
Melinda RCB

I received the following information about a memorial scholarship in Kermit’s honor from his best friends from high school, Greg Herlihy, Dan Sweetland, Tom Windhausen, Jeff Henecke, and Josh Virgil. It is a wonderful idea and I think Kermit would be very proud.

To: “Kermit Nation”

A nation is a community of people composed of various individuals with distinct backgrounds characterized under a common goal.  The term “nation” became quickly associated with those supporting Kermit Lincoln Breed in his near five year battle with cancer.  While this term became synonymous with Kermit and those supporting him in this battle, there are many terms that were synonymous with Kermit.  Three of these terms were family, community and baseball.

Kermit was well known throughout the community.  While this may have stemmed from his family living in Fabius, or as a result of his brothers and sisters that came before him, Kermit made his own place in the community and quickly gained the love of all, whether at school, at church, or around town. 

One area which Kermit invested a lot of time was baseball.  Kermit shared his love of the game from F-P Recreation league through to Fabius-Pompey Varsity baseball.  After graduating from Fabius-Pompey High School in 1996, and obtaining his MBA from Clarkson University in 2001, Kermit continued his love of the game though coaching a softball league, consisting of friends of all skill levels, and also back coaching with the Falcon baseball team.  Kermit consistently looked to share his knowledge and love for the game, especially his Boston Red Sox, with all of those around him.

Those who did not have the benefit to know Kermit can get a sense for his impact on the community through postings to his blog at http://kermitsbattle.blog.com

To honor Kermit, and to benefit future Fabius-Pompey graduates who maintain similar commitments to academics, the community, and the game of baseball, Kermit’s friends and teammates have organized the Kermit Lincoln Breed Memorial Scholarship Fund.

A scholarship will be awarded at graduation, beginning in June 2009, to a

Graduating Senior of Fabius-Pompey Central School
Maintenance of a minimum cumulative high school average
A proven commitment to the betterment of family, community and the game of baseball

If you would like to support the future of the community, in memoriam to Kermit, please make a donation to “Fabius-Pompey Central School”, with Memo of “KLB Memorial Scholarship Fund”  Donations can be mailed to: KLB Memorial Scholarship Fund; c/o Gregory Herlihy; 7823 Brown Gulf Rd; Manlius, NY 13104.  The scholarship fund will be administered by Fabius-Pompey Central School.

Also, donations may be made online via credit card or Paypal account at www.paypal.com by selecting “Send Money” to klbmemorial@yahoo.com

Please include your contact information including e-mail address with your donation.  Please send any questions to KLBMemorial@yahoo.com

Thank you for your support.

Kermit’s family, friends, and I are all very grateful for this opportunity to keep Kermit’s spirit alive.

Slide show shown at Kermit’s Funeral:
     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7QueccWY4s

Slide show of pictures from Kermit’s Birthday Party (thanks to Lynda Henry!):
     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jb8hF_pJuSI

For Facebook members, RJ Fetzner has several videos posted from Kermit’s high school baseball days.

I wanted to work on this before with Kermit, but he insisted that I was the writer. He said, “Oh, Melrosecal, I could never do it like you.” I heard that phrase a lot – I’m sure his brothers and sisters did, too. I said I didn’t think I’d be able to get through it, and he said that I could, that he believed in me, and so I can, but only because he gave me that strength.

Kermit Breed was the love of my life. I knew him just over two years, and I was married to him just over 6 months. I felt like I knew him forever. He was my best friend and my teammate through life. Before we fell asleep at night, we would talk about everything, and in that time, he told me about all the things rattling around in his head. Here are some of them.

I once made the mistake of asking Kermit who his best friend was; fifteen minutes later, he was only up to reviewing his sophomore year of Clarkson. Kermit was everyone’s buddy. It didn’t matter if you had known Kermit since birth or since last week: he made you feel special. He was kind, courteous, and he remembered everything you ever told him. He knew everyone’s birthday, phone number, and at least two really embarrassing stories about them, which he made sure to tell me immediately before meeting someone new.

Kermit loved his family without limitation. He often marveled at having such a large and loving support system, and said that he couldn’t imagine it any other way. I have to admit that I was intimidated when I met his family all at once in Melanie’s basement, but after studying a family tree and the pictures on the wall for two months, I could finally tell Kyle and Kelly apart and name all the nieces and nephews.

Kermit was a proud and boastful uncle; each child was a genius and gifted athlete and the most beautiful kid alive. He was not lying. I want all 17 of you to know that he loved you so, so much and talked of you constantly. He remembered the minute you were born and every accomplishment you ever had. He was already worrying about the boys chasing his nieces around and made me promise that I would protect them from the ones just like him in high school. It is my greatest hope that our nephews grow to be men like their uncle and that our nieces find a man as strong and wonderful as he. 

Kermit’s brothers and sisters were his inspiration. He was still trying to be just like you. He joked a lot about being the favorite – but sometimes, especially now, I don’t think he was really joking. Everyone looked after the little guy, and when he was in trouble, everyone rallied around him. He thought each of his brothers and sisters met their match in their wives and husbands. He felt your love, all the time.     

Kermit and Carlena are amazing parents. I don’t know how they raised the family they did, along with half of Fabius, but I am so grateful for it. Like their children, they are generous, thoughtful, and full of strength. Kermit was grateful for their guidance and love, and so am I. No one would be able to deal with this without them. They are our rocks.  

Kermit was a dedicated and fiercely loving husband. He worried that I was getting the short end of the stick, but I can’t imagine finding anyone better than Kermit, and I made sure to tell him that often, which he seemed to like. Once he realized I could see through his big stories, we hit the ground running. We balanced each other out in the important ways, and we taught each other about life and love. I was always grateful for his patience with my lack of sense of direction, my tendency to sleep past
noon in the summer, and my terrible softball skills. I knew I wanted to be his wife very early, and I would’ve married him a full year before I did. We don’t want to seem like we’re bragging, but we felt sorry for most people; we knew our love was rare and absolute. We are so, so lucky. He would have made a wonderful father.   

Kermit would regularly qualify someone’s loyalty by saying that they would “stand in front of a train” for him. But, oh, he was standing in front of a train for all of us. He fought so long and so hard, and he never complained. I saw him at his lowest, darkest moments, and he never, ever complained about his disease – he just kept going on. His fight was so big, and so was his heart, and in the end, he won. He got what he wanted: a large, devoted circle of friends, aunts and uncles and cousins who stopped in to visit regularly, brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces who loved him unconditionally, a mother and father who would lay their lives down for him, and a wife whose soul he owned. He has all that, and he is no longer in pain: he won.   

It is going to be hard to go through life without him, especially the little things. Like how it’s Thursday, and around this time, I would call Kermit during lunch and he’d review the police blotter with me. Or how I think this year the Yankees are going to be putting up a fight again and I won’t be able to rub any victories in his face. Or anything, really. But he was brave and strong, and so I can be, too. We can all go on knowing that we had an amazing, beautiful man love us dearly, and his legacy will be the spirit with which we will approach life from here on out. We can make him proud and live like crazy. He will be missed.   

Top Ten Reasons to Love Kermit: by Melanie Vilardi

I am the third oldest, and to give you some perspective, I went to college and at that same time Kermit went to kindergarten. The math is difficult, but Kermit turned 31 and I’m only 29 … it’s like car racing … somehow he lapped me!

My draft had a million reasons but I chiseled it down to the top ten to save you an hour or two.

10. Professional: play the part and encourage others to do the same

Kermit’s approach was always to be professional, thus the reason I couldn’t bring myself to get up here with index cards. I knew he would want a PowerPoint presentation and would expect nothing less.

An example of his professionalism was shown at his internship at Carrier, where he worked for a short time but had an immense impact so that his co-workers have kept track of him over the years.

Furthermore, his ability to negotiate a Cadillac for his company car was important to him when he pulled into his customer’s parking lot.

9. Marketing ability: lured Melinda with “best dressed”

His marketing ability was more vividly seen at his position at Johnson Controls as a sales engineer.

However, he used it to the utmost … early on, he informed Melinda that he was voted best dressed his senior year at Fabius-Pompey. Can you imagine what went through the mind of the girl from
Brooklyn? Wow … amazing! I was just a number at my high school! Little did she know at Fabius-Pompey, “best dressed” mean one day a month he chose not to wear his overalls and barn boots!

8. Inspiration: what’s the big deal about a root canal?

This was a word that was repeated over and over on his blog. He certainly was able to keep everyone in perspective with what really is a big deal in life. Another Melinda story is when she was worried about a root canal and he was able to help her realize that it was nothing to fret about. He made us all realize that life is about living every day to the fullest.

7. Organizer: softball and volleyball leagues

Kermit was able to take diverse groups of people, call them a team, and make them win games. And most of all … enjoy every minute of it!

He also would take non-softball players, such as Melinda, to the baseball diamond with a 5 gallon bucket of balls and make a softball player out of her.

6. Intelligent: Master’s degree in Business Administration

There was no doubt that Kermit was intelligent. He used this ability to educate himself and ask questions. Not only was he book smart, but he was also street smart and he used common sense. He knew that street smart was more important than book smart.

5. Leader/Follower: story teller

I toyed with this one – as he told the stories he was always the caboose, a follower. But when Farmer Greg told the same story, Kermit was the leader and Farmer only followed him …

The beauty is that he was both, and he was able to figure out when he should be a leader and when he should be a follower.

4. Loveable: infamous Kermit Nation

What better description of this is the blog – people from all walks of life following his path. Some that never knew him but had heard about him.

The other thing that came to mind is who else could propose to a girl at Sno Top and make it the most beautiful setting … you know that proves he’s loveable! And as Charlie Shea, our neighbor, was quoted as saying, “The nicest wedding I have attended in 91 years.”

3. Faith: Christening to today

Kermit was christened and baptized in this very church. He not only practiced his faith while attending church but also as he lived his life.

He even went so far as to attend a Billy Graham crusade … I’m not sure whose decision that was, but the fact that he did go is important.

2. Determined: play harder and smarter

He shared this motto with his nieces and nephews. He encouraged them with his attendance at their games and in his review of their report cards. They watched his every move and adored him, as they thought of him as their hero.

1.      Unforgettable

Who else could get on the field with the Boston Red Sox? Our memories of him will keep us going with our chin up and a smile glued to our face.

More should be like Kermit … what a would this would be …

Kermit Lincoln Breed – what a guy! To lots of us here, he was also known as “Little Kermit.” It wasn’t because he was slight in stature, but for the obvious – his Dad’s name is Kermit. So, Lil Kermit was appropriate – sorta like Big Carlena, Little Carlena, and Baby Carlena!

I’ve known Kermit since he was six years old. He was a delightful kid, even at that tender age. He was so kind and thoughtful and I’m sure this trait came from not only his parents but also his siblings and his interaction with them. They all convey so much love and true concern for each other, never complaining and always willing to help.

As many of you know, Kermit and I have spent a lot of time together over the past couple of years traveling back and forth to NYC. There was never a trip – and this is the truth – that he didn’t express his love for his parents and his brothers and sisters and their mates. We talked about all sorts of things – he asking me questions about my life and kids, and I asking him questions. One question I asked him was, “Who is your favorite brother-in-law?” He was very quick to reply – and here are the results:

It was so easy for his response; he said, “It’s simple, Brenda. It was Gerry, Gaile’s husband, first, because they were the first to marry.” So Gerry it was, until Mark and Melanie married. Kermit grew up and Mark was at the house all the time as he and Melanie were HS sweethearts. So, Gerry moved down a notch (unbeknownst to him) and Mark was in first place now.

Soon, Lil Carlena met this guy named Jason at Clarkson. They soon became an “item.” Kermit was eyeing Jason as he, Lil Kermit, had recently become an adolescent and he needed proof that this guy Jason’s motives were honorable. Well after he proved himself and married Lil Carlena, Mark moved down the ladder and Jason took over the honor. They became steadfast friends and Jason opened the door for Kermit at Johnson Controls, where they both worked.

Jason held that honor for a couple of year, as Gerry and Mark held on! Then Jessica, Kerm’s youngest older sister, met this guy named
Griffin. They married in July 2006. The three brothers-in-law were thinking to themselves, “This guy doesn’t have a chance to take the honor of favorite!” Well, let me tell you – he, Griffin, wasn’t even aware that he was in the running! The day of the wedding, he became the favorite. Grif and Jess postponed their honeymoon for six weeks and turned their home over to all the Breeds and their families for the next two and a half years. Grif and Jess’s home is lovingly referred to as the “Handley Hotel” in Stamford, Connecticut. This is where Kerm spent his time during his treatments at Sloan-Kettering. All the brothers-in-law were in total agreement that Griffin had earned the honor.

Now, we can’t leave out the sisters-in-law. So Kelly’s wife, lovingly known as “Peanut;” Kerry’s wife, Anne; and Kyle’s wife, Shaleen were all on equal footing.

And he did not have a favorite. He loved you all equally.

I then asked him about Melinda – and again, this is all true and fact. He told me they met at a pub in Armory Square. He was there with some buddies and she was across the room. He began to talk with her. They exchanged numbers and this began a romance. He found out she was a teacher at FM and he had a buddy whose girlfriend worked there. Kerm called his friend and said, “Listen, tell you girlfriend not to mention my illness to Melinda,” and his buddy said, “Kerm, it’s too late – she already googled you and has read the blog! She knows it all.”

They had a date and he let her know that he knew that she knew of his illness. He was totally honest with her and things moved along nicely for them. The only fault he could find with her was she smoked the occasional cigarette. He told her he was a cancer patient and he wanted her to stop or they wouldn’t date anymore. She quit instantly – they continued dating and their love grew deeper and deeper. It was obvious to all just how much she loved him. She’d look at him so lovingly and caress him every chance she got. She wasn’t afraid to show her affection openly.

Melinda, Kermit truly loved you and he knew and knows that you love him. For that he was so appreciative and thankful. He’d wait for his phone to ring when we were traveling to hear your voice on his ringtone say, “Pick up your phone, Kermit. It’s your heartbeat! Pick up your phone, Kermit. It’s your heartbeat!” He’d let it ring a number of times before he’d pick it up, just so he could hear it over and over.

His family and everyone here today is so grateful for your presence and your love for him. You are a part of them and they will be with you, as will your family, to give you all the support you need during this difficult time. None of us can do it along and must lean on each other.

So Kermit … farewell, my friend. Our thoughts and love with be with you forever.

I was thinking of words and their meanings to describe Kermit.

Brave: having or displaying courage

Perseverance: to persist in any task, against all obstacles

Courageous: the mental or moral strength to face danger without fear

Kindness: always asking “how are you” before I could ask him how he was

Determined: he was determined to fight his battle with cancer from start to finish. He looked into every kind of treatment that was available. He did not give up at just one or two treatments but was willing to try them all, thinking that the next one will work. He never gave up trying.

And he met Melinda – who I think was his “guardian angel,” his security blanket to care for him and love him.

Kermit has a loving and caring family of brothers and sisters and mother and father – all of them there to take him to NYC to get his chemo or to carry him up and downstairs.

Kermit was asking about going to heaven – he wouldn’t know anyone there his age. And then remembered Grandma Chase … he would get to see her again. Well, heaven for sure is where he’s gone. Up in the clouds to a safer, pain free place – pain free!

God bless you, Kermit.

Kermit had been fighting this dreadful disease for almost five years, two and a half years on this blog. It has been a long, tough journey. We want to acknowledge how much this blog meant to him and his family. Because of his faithful friends and family inspiring him each day, he kept the battle going and wouldn’t give up. There were so many times when we just didn’t think he could muster up enough strength to pull through, but his “Blog Family” would give him the strength and courage to fight another round of chemo, radiation, and drug to fight the battle. You cannot imagine how all your thoughts and comments gave him the fire to keep going.

His parents, wife, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews all thank each and every one of you who commented day after day and made him feel comfortable and strong and who knew that he could fight another day. He looked forward to each day of reading and enjoyed every little comment.

We also would like to thank everyone who sent cards, flowers, and food to the house and the church. We have been enjoying the kind words and sentiments from all of you — we especially like to read cards from those of you who sent your own memories of Kermit! Kermit also has been enrolled in several prayer societies and has received many certificates for masses. We are happy to know that he will be prayed for still. Also, we have received very kind donations to Fabius Baptist Church, Hospice, and the American Cancer Society, as well as donations to Dana Farber (in Boston) and Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (in New York), where Kermit was treated, in his honor. We thank you.

We will be posting a series of eulogies that were given at Kermit’s funeral: from his wife Melinda, his sister Melanie, his aunt Marilyn, and his friend Brenda. We hope that you enjoy them and celebrate the life he shared with all of us.

Melanie at the keyboard.  It is with a sad and heavy heart that I inform the Kermit nation that he passed away and went with the Lord this morning at 10am.  He was comfortable at home in his new recliner with Mom, Dad, Gaile and Kerry. 

We are gathered at home and spending time supporting Melinda, Mom and Dad.  He went after a great weekend beginning on Friday with his 31st birthday celebration with well over 175 people gathered to wish him a happy birthday.  Saturday was spent with family at home.  On Sunday his morning was rough and the entire family spent most of the day in his presence. 

We have scheduled the calling hours and service at the Fabius Baptist Church from 4-8pm Wednesday, 9am-11am Thursday and the service to be held on Thursday at 11am.  Contributions can be made to Hospice of Central New York and the Fabius Baptist Church.

On behalf of the entire family, we cannot thank each of you enough for following the blog and giving him the support and prayers that have pulled him through this almost five year battle.  

He was a true inspiration and we will miss him more than words can say.  Please continue your prayers and support as we endure the next few days and the future without him.